it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
