Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
