i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't deserve a penis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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