we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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