we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
