this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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