apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
