So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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