Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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