this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
