: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
