I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
