that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
