first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
