I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
