so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
