I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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