you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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