You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
