The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
