took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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