Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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