I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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