So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
