my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
