I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
