i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
