would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
