Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
