So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
