what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
