dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Randomize
