"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
