i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
