the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
