i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
