Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
