remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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