Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
