when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
