Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
