Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
