Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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