Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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