Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
