finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
