My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
