FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
