Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
