i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
