I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
