Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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