soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
