I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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