there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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