Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
