This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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