i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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